Good thing noone was watching

... or holding their breath! It's been an additional month since I "plan(ned) on penning something this weekend" - but such are the ways of one in flux. This one in flux, anyway.

I actually had to re-read my entries to establish a timeline for everything that has transpired. It was such a whirlwind - Chad and I both commuting from Shawnee to Edmond and OKC for work, spending evenings and weekends at the duplex so that we could finish renovations on the renter's side, finally making the move ourselves, then adjusting to the new space - ESPECIALLY the fact that we didn't have a fence for the dogs.

At first, it was fun - exploring and familiarizing ourselves with the neighborhood, getting out and active, giving each of them their own time instead of just mass-canine attention. We happened into the most walk-friendly neighborhood I've seen in all of OKC - Historic Miller Boulevard - but then... the heat hit.

I'll blame them, first - 'cause, really, I was dedicated - but we wouldn't get two blocks before tongues were dragging and the rate at which we moved was less than a snail's pace. By the middle of June, we had resorted to quick trips to the back yard - but this would never suffice. We all got restless. The outdoors, which was at once so integral to our days became bastardized as function. There was no joy in going there - and this only heightened the transient feel (everything's still in disrepair but the floors) of our side of the duplex.

This past week, we installed a fence. Mind you, only the most dilapidated of panels got replaced - but the new gates function perfectly, and the project has given us a surprising sense of possibility.

I hope to post pictures soon. We're working with a different computer now, and I have yet to find out if/how our camera connects and transfers.

Perhaps this blog will be the very thing that resurrects that part of me which used her point-and-shoot so frequently, turning "everydays" into art. I miss her.

Of course, I missed writing too, until I made myself sit down with the computer - so maybe there's hope :)

Four months = One quarter of a YEAR

Has it really been that long?!

I don't even have a considerable entry to offer. Just a teaser, as I plan on penning something this weekend...

"An update?" you ask...

Impossible! And I refuse to be that plotted about it...

I AM still Jenny :)

Preparing for Lift-off

I find it ironic that this time of “crisis” would be the one in which I choose and am confident in such abandon. For YEARS, I have been encouraged to take such steps – but only now, after jumping jobs and industries, marked personal and professional successes and challenges, do I sense complete alignment of Universal and personal power, potential and play.

Yes, I wanted to use three words that start with “P” :) – but play is such an important component, all too often neglected or forgotten because work is “hard”. There’s also the misperception that those who work “harder” are rewarded more greatly. RUBBISH! Every time I think about the job I’ve accepted, I get a giddy feeling of fun – and this, as much as anything, lets me know I’ve chosen well. I see a world of opportunity, am ready to integrate work and the Law of Attraction, and will share the stories and bounty with you!

The countdown is on, as I begin the day which now marks my final week at St. Gregory’s. As I drove to work yesterday, sluggish from a late night working on the duplex, my mind wandered into thoughts of “I don’t want to be going there”, “ I wish I was (headed anywhere else)” – until I realized how few opportunities remained, for such a drive.

I pass such lovely terrain, as I leave 31505 and head for the highway. Fields of golden grass, so tall that my nephews would disappear in their embrace, wave in winds that truly “sweep down the plains”. Corn fields are such a lush green right now that it seems they INVENTED the color. Other (fields) vary the hue and are dotted with cattle – black, brown, white and speckled – and this living art can never be truly captured by a lens, brush or pen.
I don’t think I had ever seen a Meadowlark before we moved to Shawnee, but their yellow bellies burst from the roadside as I pass. The usual terrain is broken with their fantastically placed splash of sunshine, and my thoughts and mood are immediately elevated.

Since I haven't posted a picture in a while, here's one from the archives:

Life in 500SF with a pseudo-kitchen and no running water provides many an opportunity for "invention out of necessity". I'm also a minimalist and energetically-concious gal - so what do you do when you don't have a microwave or corn popper, but want to munch some kernels while watching a movie? Rediscover Jiffy Pop! The dogs were, of course, freaked out by the process - but we loved the nostalgia and enjoyed every bite.

She LIVES!

Not only that, sweet people (if there are any of you out there who still visit this blog, even though it's been almost a MONTH since my last post) - she THRIVES!

We closed on the duplex in OKC, have started renovations (and, dare I say, are nearing a half-way mark on the renter's side?), I accepted a new job and gave my notice at St. Gregory's yesterday.

There is a beaming smile across my face even as I type this update. These changes mark a new era for me - personally and professionally. I am ACTIVELY ENGAGING my potential and living fearlessly.

Let's be clear: fear still rears it's ugly head - and I acknowledge it (sometimes verbally!) - but I am ever more confident in the fact that it's most often just a "thing". Like a needy child who screams to be recognized, the screaming diminishes once even a glance is cast their way. All bark and no bite. Transformative and temporary.

I have learned enough about myself to know the traditional pitfalls I've encountered and positioned myself in, time and time again. This time, however, I choose differently. Those avenues have been taken and proved futile - NOW I live in confidence, both in myself and the Universe's desire for me to have, do and be all that I can hold in my highest imaginings. In fact, beyond them!

As I iterated in the cover letter I penned to the company I'm preparing to work with: "I am not a Pollyanna. I'm an optimistic hard worker." Perhaps I'd rather say that I'm a diligent worker. "Hard" is a debatable adjective, as I continue to experience the seamlessness of the world's workings in my favor.

May my days be a testimony to the love and potential in all of us. This is my anthem.

A morsel

It’s already the middle of February. I can hardly process the idea of that, let alone get excited about it. The single hint of Winter we received actually left me wanting more - and anyone who knows me will appreciate the irony of this. I am always cold. But I figure, if I’m going to be in combat - with layers and space heaters as my corps - it might as well be 100% of the season: blanketed with snow, our overactive lives muffled and our perspectives moved even closer to magic itself. Alas, my continental position and our globe’s warming will probably avail me no such wonders. In fact, we’ve already moved on to tornadoes in Oklahoma.

Here, there and everywhere

I haven’t written in a while, as my friend Julie pointed out. I don’t know, I guess I’ve been processing more than out-putting – and bumming at bit, too - but I also wanted that last post to linger. I subscribe whole-heartedly to the… (idea, philosophy?) of manifestation and co-creation. Actually, I don’t think the word “subscribe” is appropriate… and “believer” doesn’t fit, either - or you could say they both fit, in different ways. It is my reality. My appreciation and practice is based on consistent experiences of success, and I am ever thankful for the knowing. I am more continually balanced, inspired and joyful than ever. The nectar of life sustains me. I loved pulling up my blog: grounded with its black background and illuminated with colors I selected to best represent me, to see a highlighted picture of my smart car. It just made me giddy – and this ignites the process, as well as brightens my spirit. Did any of you have a Lite Bright when you were little? It just struck me that my page looks a lot like one :)

In this time of economic “crisis”, I'm compelled to consider the how’s and why’s of the situation’s existence. Sure, you can fault creditors, corporations, politicians – anyone, really - and find logistical reasons we’re here (overspending, overlending, greed, war); but ultimately, it’s a result of mass consciousness – or lack thereof. Go deeper. What are the basic, emotional and social misinterpretations that have led each of us to participate? No one is exempt – not me, not you; and if you’re having a negative response to my suggestion that you’re a contributor, I even more strongly attest that you are. But keep moving! We all now also have the wonderful opportunity to address these indicators of imbalance and get back to our truths. Love, compassion, purity and wholeness – these are our birthrights. It is the confusions of wealth, need, separation and dividedness that echo from our personal lives into all of humanity – so let’s get to the core and adjust!

While I agree that it is important to learn about and from the situation, by perhaps listening to radio or watching the news – it is of GREAT importance to choose your sources carefully, and monitor your intake. In fact, even the use of the word “crisis” to describe our standing can be re-evaluated to a positive. When you hear this word, it may momentarily inflict panic or stress – woe or depression; but even Webster can provide realignment:

cri·sis : the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever

“Turning point”… “better” OR “worse”! It may seem simplistic or unrealistic, to think that your decision to focus personally will impact society as a whole – but I assure you, it will. Choose “better”! Use the bottom of the pool to push off and accelerate ever so rapidly to the surface. Just because we’re experiencing years of residual thoughtlessness, IT IS NOT NECESSARY THAT IT TAKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME – OR MORE – TO EVOLVE! Surely, our status is acute – but we obviously needed it to be so, in order affect profound change. Any and everything you can do to intentionally realign yourself and your environment will result in ripples of positive affect.

Take time. Give thanks. Be gentle – with yourself and others. Know that you are safe.

Choose love.

Introducing: my new car!*

I test drove the smart fortwo passion coupe this past weekend, and it's done - it's mine*.

(Well, not in conventional terms - it's still with the company - but we're all anxiously awaiting the union :))

She's completely black, with leather interior and heated seats (yum!) Her design is clever and concious, and exactly what I want to drive about - representative of so many of the ideals I believe are attainable and neccessary.

I think she'll look especially stunning with my business logo across her hood or tail - perhaps in removeable magnetics...

Health and wealth are ours to have and share - and although I don't know the in-betweens, I don't have to! I am already grateful for her.

*gently and carefree

Slagle script ii

On an icy, winter afternoon, Chad returns to the apartment, after getting his boots from the truck.

C: Yep, I had them tucked between the cab and bed. Your dad would be proud. Now he’ll know you married a redneck.

J’s Dad has made multiple mention of his opinion that boots placed in such fashion is absurd.

J: He already knew that.

C: I’m not a redneck.

J: Yes you are.

C: No, I’m a hillbilly. There’s a difference. Hillbillies make a conscious choice to live a certain way. Rednecks don’t know any better.

He continues: I don’t do redneck things like watch Nascar.

Pause.

J: Your mother watches Nascar.

C: I’m not my mother.

J. bites her tongue, working to formulate a response.
As we’ve seen in other entries, it’s all about the last word.

J (laughing): You’re a redbilly!

Remote blog, 1-27-09

Another benefit of working in education is snow days – and I’m experiencing my first. For all the times I’ve bemoaned my post, as I sit here and type this entry, it all seems worth it. My husband just topped off my tea, I’m bundled in my buttery robe, and my puppies are nestled in a row on the futon.

One would expect the world to be a little quieter, today. Yet on Ingram Road, the sounds of winter are actually more pronounced: the crunch of icy tundra underfoot, the hoards of birds scavenging for seed. It is now only noon, and our feeders have been emptied twice since yesterday evening. My brother called, anxious to hear of our site’s newfound beauty; but it was refreshing to report that I find it no more stunning today than any other Tuesday.

My mind wanders, searching for a topic to write about; and this lack of momentum seems befitting of the day.

The past weekend found me again perusing the classifieds, seeking next employment. The two most important qualities I’m looking for in a position are 1. Opportunity for advancement/growth and 2. Ability to affect my income. Since relocating to Oklahoma, I’ve considered returning to school for Architecture or Chiropractic. Although entirely different industries, both professions deal with matters I find to be of great importance: (sustainable) design and (alternative) health. Unseen to me before this typing, however, is the commonality of structure that they share. Hmm… this is surely an insight, and I look forward to further understanding.

At this point, however, I choose to follow a route that will not result in tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt; so… what? And how?

(4PM)
I just watched The Secret, and have been reminded to leave those questions with the Universe. My work is to specify what I want, believe it is already secured and FEEL its existence. The “how’s” are best left to that more expansive than my human mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the experiences and tools I have that realign me with the Greater Good!

Hot chocolate now warms my mug, and the last episode of the John Adams series is poised for playing in our laptop. What a wonderful day!

pho·tog·ra·phy: the art or process of producing images by the action of RADIANT ENERGY

THIS is why I should never run late for work, or or even just be on time - talk about radiant!

It's inevitable that something simplistically or magnificently gorgeous, unusual or wonderfully so will catch my eye as I'm en route to one place or another. There's not always alot of opportunity for choice composition - many times, I'm hard pressed to find a place to pull over; and I admit I've even stopped IN the street on occassion - but our little point & shoot Canon has helped me document quite a few moments of wonder, and nicely.

I've started carrying the camera in my bag, in hopes of having it more consistently available; but there've been multiple occassions when I grabbed minimal accessories for a quick trip here or there, and been pained to find myself without it. I'm getting better, but hope to make its companionship second nature and create a healthy photo repertoire of my life and loves.

I've ebbed and flowed with my interest in photography. I took a class in college, have found varying subject matters of interest, preferred black & white over color - then abandoned preference, and even went through a phase where I found photos of people disturbing. What I'd really like now is a great zoom and ability to manipulate light. I'd also love to explore marrying my kinship with birds and this creative outlet.

And I'd like the days' 24H to start when I get up.

The season of Jenny

Although I spend hours on a computer, at work - and have very little actual work to occupy those hours - I've found it difficult, of late, to produce anything personal on a keyboard. That's not to say I've been indulging in brush strokes or other creative methods, however - and the static causes me to wonder... what's happening?

Often, such lulls are indicative of an incubation of sorts - and I supposed this could be the case, presently. We're in a holding period, on the place in OKC - so I don't feel able to go "full gusto" for things there (lest Murphy step in and execute his Law), but at the same time am neither willing to pour myself into things in Shawnee. The latter is most certainly a self-preservation tactic, preparing myself to leave the lake - and although not completely abandoning them, allowing our dreams that we have planted there to lie dormant for a season or two.

I've had some interesting insights in the past couple of days, so am confident I'm not in an ultimate state of confusion - energetically blocked from Source - but the able, vibrant flow of life has felt somewhat restricted at times. I am dedicating time this week and weekend to personal maintenance, recognizing many of the methods (chiropractic and massage) overdue.

I promise to make another entry this week, even if only to exercise my unwillingness to go dormant, myself.

Effortless beauty

Here are those winter grasses I mentioned, earlier:

My creativity with words has been committed to cover letters, of late. I haven't been flooding the market with my resume; but there are a couple of specific opportunitites that have been of great interest, and I've been focused on assessing/addressing those positions and illustrating my compatibility. Whether the relocation to OKC comes to fruition or not, I have decided that a change of employment would benefit me far more than the resistance to commuting.

Although the economy is at a markable low, I know that my future is not defined by such "facts". I know the universe is working in my best and highest interest, and all things are divinely guided. I welcome the insight that comes with such trust, and am ever thankful for the knowing that has been instilled and reinforced by so many of you.

Namaste

Ahoy, Pumpkin!

Saturday morning, I was called to the water's edge by a great bird's cry. The binoculars I had tucked in my robe pocket weren't powerful enough to magnify the winged wonders at such a distance, but something else was to be discovered.
I think the pelicans brought it.

Run, Jane, Run

My work day ends at 4:30, on Fridays. At any time of year, this is an admitted luxury; but during the winter season, when the sun dims well before I’m otherwise able to get home, the benefit is even brighter.

I’ve found myself feeling much more “Jenny”, of late. Surely the Christmas week’s vacation and decision to relocate have served me well; so this past Friday found me bundling, grabbing a leash, and choosing a dog.

The selection process is always a killer. Chad and I haven’t been diligent enough in our partnered exercise with the hounds to track whose turn it is – and I’m a stickler for equal distribution. Food, treats, affection… and walks are the ULTIMATE.

Hula won out, as gunshots rang near and far. This dog, who hails from a breed of branded terrorists (pit bull), experiences her very own nightmare every time an audible siege ensues. Thunder is our constant competitor, we use Rescue Remedy like others subscribe to Advil - and we unfortunately live across the water from a firing range. She may have been able to avoid the panic that overtakes her, had I not infused the environment with potential for escape – but I did, and the only way to subdue her unnerving was to keep her with me.

We made the usual trek down Ingram Road, almost as far as the intersection with Walker – but detoured at what I now term “Coleman’s Deer Run”, to follow a well-worn trail and search for tracks.

Remembering “Morning Girl’s” visits, I deepened my inhalations – through the nose and out the mouth, in well-trained performance fashion - and immediately, layer upon layer of scent and texture of smell unfolded. I took in more breaths, consciously rooting them deep in my belly – and each time, different qualities of the air above, ground beneath, and all things between seemed to rise to recognition.

“This is amazing!” I told my brindle belle; and the awakening of my body to our walk as a fully engaged experience can be the only reason I know of for what happened next – we ran.

OK – maybe “ran” suggests more speed than we were able to maintain; but that last word is the real shock of it all – we MAINTAINED! With each springy step, I took the world in as scent, and came to perhaps a closer understanding of why people engage in what I previously considered self-abuse. Our jog took us all the way back to the landmark mailbox, which has seen at least one baseball bat in its short nine months of perch; and I didn’t collapse.

I was so invigorated by this jaunt, I donned thermal layers and tested the flashlight at 7:00 the next evening – well after darkness had fallen.

In the thick of it

There was a pancake fog over Oklahoma, this morning – the part I call home, anyway. From the apartment window, I could see very little of the water’s edge; and the idea that there was anything beyond it seemed like just that – an idea, constructed, and I was just now waking from the human dream. 31505 was an island in the clouds. The fog’s density insulated our acre from sound and deep, comforting quiet expanded time. Mother Earth encouraged the morning to linger; inviting me to live a bit longer in her fairytale setting, as she drew in and exhaled sacred breaths that I could FEEL in the stillness.

I wanted to stop on the lake’s dam and capture a couple of dedicated fishermen with my camera’s lense. They huddled their boats around a water tower (?) that sets just off the bridge, suspended like ornaments in a surreal space. The less than 40 yards’ visibility and lack of shoulder deterred me, however, and I was consoled by remembering the picture below.

This was taken a couple of weeks ago, on the weathered road that meets our paved Ingram. On this day, I could sense the fairies and elves, gnomes and elementals taking advantage of the cover to venture further outside of usual territory; fulfilling much-needed business, and surely exploring things which would otherwise risk the entanglement of worlds.

Not everyone is open to the magic of life; and even if you are, it doesn’t mean you wear black and brew rats. I am endlessly thankful for my creative instincts, and have experienced so much diverse, divine communion that “wild horses couldn’t tear me away”.

I invite you to ignite your shaman self!